“This is not pee!” insists female ejaculation website Team Squirt. It may well be the world’s first “educational” porn site, offering to show men how to make women gush in buckets. Color me unconvinced. My, ah, extensive research leads me to believe the product of female ejaculation isn’t nearly so… dramatic. One of the common arguments put forth by credulous gush fans is that the liquid involved is colorless (and odorless), therefore it must not be urine. But hey, my piss is colorless too after I’ve quaffed a gallon of water or downed a six-pack. (Video gallery and picture gallery at Team Squirt)

A while back I wrote this:

“Are you surprised I’m the one who peed on her?” the enigmatic girl asks.

You choke on your smoke. Urine is sterile though: less dangerous than blood and saliva and semen and shit. Piss on a wound if there’s no clean water available. Peepee girls. Pissy pussies. You wonder, is it an evolutionary category-error that we piss, more or less, through our genitals?

“Well, yes, I suppose. A little. You seem so… reserved.”

And she is. Laconic. Indifferent. Still waters. Running waters. The stream interrupted slightly by her labia, little rivulets running down her legs perhaps, the main flow splattering the recipient’s breasts. That unmistakable psssssssssss. Must smell like piss, but then again most pussies smell a little pissy sometimes. Not unpleasant really, pissy pussies are.

I’m still not sure how I feel about pissy pussies, but I’m pretty sure no sane woman would let me stick the neck of a champagne bottle up her cunt. A Corona bottle, perhaps, but not a champagne bottle. (Gallery at Pee Pee Babes)