At first I thought this gallery of a silver-painted girl using a toy on herself was just weird. After consulting with my penis I realized the image above is also kind of hot. (Gallery at ethnorotica)

I was hanging out at Porno Jim’s place the other night smoking dope and watching porn, natch. “I kinda like watching ass-to-mouth,” he said to me, “but I’d never do it in real life.” It struck me that this is the essential function of postmodern pornography: to depict extreme sexual practices most of us wouldn’t dream of messing with in the mundane world. You know, picking up a chick on a street corner and fucking her up the ass right there; indulging in unprotected group sex with midgets; performing ATM or ATOGM. It’s not good enough to simply watch slightly-edgy sex anymore—pomo porn is a series of escalations, each new thing more surreal and less human than the last.

Indeed, I’ve written about this before:

As a sex writer I’ve been granted access to a lot of state-of-the-art porn, the balance of it overwhelmingly anal. But assholes are bullshit: mere assfucking ain’t enough anymore. Ready at any moment to plunge into rectal prolapse, the asshole now has to gape to proportions that would make a proctologist blush. Our barely-legal starlet is routinely expected to suck a cock clean after it emerges from her own—or someone else’s—pooper. “I want to taste my shit juice off you cock,” says one frenzied girl. “I want to gag off my own ass juice.” (What young woman doesn’t dream of this?) But even this is old-hat. The edgy performer now chokes down jism-enema after jism-enema expelled from the gaping maw of her playmate’s incontinent sphincter. We’ve gone off the deep-end of unusual sexual practices, and there’s some danger in this—not moral, but psychological; of expectations raised to the point that even a sphincter-ripping buttfuck seems bland. It’s not the physical acts I worry about so much as the lack of context or conscience. Looking at these videos I feel less like a wanker than a harried motorist rubbernecking at the scene of a particularly gruesome collision. This stuff doesn’t even pretend to be human anymore.

All social commentary aside, I’d really like to know what to name the kink depicted in the image above, capped from a flick called Gooey Buns 14. “Anal creampie” doesn’t cut it, nor does “jism enema.” It’s really a cumshot-by-proxy delivered via the anus (in the actual clip jizz spurts out of the purple-stockinged chick’s ass, coating the recipient’s forehead—apparently Russian chicks are really hard up for cash). So what say you dear reader? (Via alt.binaries.erotica.nospam.creampie)

Though still relatively new, “teen anal lesbian” site Lez Cuties is already giving Sapphic Erotica some, ah, stiff competition. What’s not to like about nubile Eastern European amateurs doing extremely naughty things to each other? As far as I’m concerned the real winner here is the porn connoisseur. (Gallery and video at Lez Cuties)

I was A) bored and B) listening to Mozart’s Requiem, so I thought it might be amusing to enter “Mozart” into the Guba search box. I’m quite pleased with the result, but I wonder—what the hell is that sharp-looking instrument in his hand? Or do I even want to know? (Via alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.cartoons)

Must… stop… laughing. Above we have a still from some sort of porn vid that ends in a facial—the clip was short so I really have no idea what the fuck is going on here. With that bizarre mask over her face, the girl looks like the bastard love-child of a Sleestak and an Imperial Stormtrooper. Is droid porn the next big thing? Who knows? (Via alt.binaries.nospam.multimedia.facials)