How to Win Friends and Influence Chicks

Posted by Lex Konrad in Advice | Aug 01, 2004

Men are caught up in the folklore of the pickup line, thinking they can magically trigger the female mating response if they’re armed with the perfect routines. Usually gamesmanship backfires and men are left feeling anxious over what ought to be a perfectly natural thing. They learn to freeze up in the presence of women.

Eric shares his thoughts on approach anxiety, and cites examples from female bloggers to remind us that women are just as interested in being approached as men are in approaching. He closes with advice for the guys:

Men—just go talk to new people. It’s an adventure—a treasure hunt. You never know what you’ll get. You may get two girls giving you a fake name and telling you that they’re lesbians. You could get asked to dance. You could find the woman you want to marry.

I’d take it a step further: stop worrying about what you’re going to get out of each encounter and learn to enjoy the encounter itself.

I took a Dale Carnegie course once. Mr. Carnegie was fascinated by the human factors that make some people more successful than others, so he did his own research and wrote a book on the subject. He discovered a secret; a key to getting what you want out of relationships. Do you know what the secret is?

Take a genuine interest in people.

People aren’t simply means to various ends; they have their own motivations, their own joys, and their own fears. They want to be appreciated every bit as much as you do, and for the same reasons. Even hot babes feel this way.

I used to get discouraged sometimes, in business and pleasure, thinking about all the steps that lay ahead and all the things that could go wrong. Eric mentions my run-in with the two lesbians, for example. Fearing I wouldn’t get what I wanted out of them, I backed out. It wasn’t until years later that I began to recognize the value of simply sharing a moment with someone, the fruits of which are documented in these very pages.

If you’re anxious about approaching, if you’re wondering whether your material is good enough—whether you are good enough—then you are trying too hard. It’s funny how often we all forget the basics. Talking is as easy as opening your mouth and letting words tumble out; listening as easy as shutting up long enough for someone else to get a word in. Try it some time—open your mouth, say something, shut up and listen, then respond.

Do this often enough and you might even get good at it.

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