Theory of Everything

Posted by Lex Konrad in Dispatches | Dec 17, 2004

I’ve kept my head down lately, preoccupied with other projects and the general business of the holiday season. It’s been a relief, actually. This year has been anything but quiet. Leslie’s birthday party was our last great hurrah for 2004 (yes, I will write about it). There’s plenty of debauchery to be had on New Year’s Eve, I’m sure, but Leslie and I will be spending that night in a jacuzzi with a bottle of bubbly.

Things with Layla have tapered off, but I think anyone who read the last few entries could have seen that coming. That emotional boundary she mentioned months ago never really disappeared, talking only led us to impasse after impasse, and so finally Les and I gave up on the “coalition.” Diplomatic channels are still open, however.

When it comes down to it, a relationship based on slippery bits rubbing together can only be interesting for so long.

Having missed Leslie’s birthday party, Natalia came over the other night to cook us dinner. She informed us she’s gone monogamous with her latest beau. We’ve known her a long time and she’s always been forthcoming with us so I couldn’t feel miffed even if I tried. Like I told her last summer, we’re friends first and foremost.

Bianca, delightful Bianca, heads to the west coast in a couple of weeks to further her acting career. I’m a little sad to see her go, but I do hope things work out for her so I can be interviewed for her tell-all celebrity biography.

Yes, I’m relieved, in a way, to tie up loose ends—to be free of quasi-romantic entanglements, to be able to spend more time on other things, to have some solitude and process what’s happened. To have Leslie all to myself, at least for a little while.

After Leslie had gone to bed the other night, Natalia and I stayed up for a couple hours and had one of those free-associative conversations people can only have in the wee hours. She’s had a bumpy December career-wise and needed some cheering up. “I have a new theory of everything,” I told her.

She laughed. “Oh lord. What’s that?”

“Funny you say that—my theory has biblical origins.”

She was now shaking her head in amused disbelief. “Okay let’s hear it.”

“It’s simple: don’t cast pearls before swine. Ignore the naysayers, the folks who can’t see more than two feet past their own noses. Take your talents, your wisdom, your affection… take all that stuff and give it to the people who are at least capable of appreciating it. This applies to everything: your fucking job, your dating life, your art, whatever.”

“And what about you? Do you think you’ve been casting your pearls before swine all along?”

“Ha! Where do I start? But everyone does sometimes. I think it’s the root of people’s unhappiness and frustrated dreams.”

Silence settled over us. “So, what was your old theory of everything?”

“I can’t remember.”

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