The Institute
The bar is noisy but if I lean in I can discern her Scottish accent, a subtle inflection that creeps in now and again, turning her “oughts” into “oats.” She is getting her doctorate in psychology. I don’t flinch when she mentions Jungian analysis. She doesn’t flinch when I talk about species being.
“Do you think it’s possible that a society as a whole can be clinically dysfunctional even though the individuals within it are more or less sane?” I ask. These are the sorts of things you think about when you live in the America of the new millennium. Our conversation continues in this vein. Her mind is sexy.
Still, I don’t get too excited. I remind myself that this International Woman of Mystery isn’t a candidate for admission to the Les and Lex Institute for the Advanced Study of Non-Monogamous Relationships, or LLIASNMR for short. It’s not that she struggles with the theory involved; it’s that her impression of the entire field has been diminished by distressing experiences in a non-accredited program.
“The girl kept trying to push her boyfriend on me,” she explains, “and he was always leering at us, telling us what to do.” She scrunches her eyebrows. “Finally I went ahead and did it. He had a tiny penis. It was awful.”
So I don’t try to recruit her. I do, however, describe the sort of work we do at the Institute: a mixture of theoretical study, classroom discussion and, naturally, lots of practical assignments in the field.
Emma arrives. After introductions are made I explain that Emma’s been enrolled at the LLIASNMR for over two years now. You could say she’s our star student. She even brought me a gift—not a shiny red apple but Zadie Smith’s latest masterwork. This earns her not a gold star but a soft kiss.
The psychologist is intrigued, so much so that she disappears into the bathroom with Leslie—evidently to get a better handle on what we mean by “hands-on instruction.”
The next day she sends Les a note explaining that we’d helped her see things in a new light; that she’d already started on the required reading and might even be persuaded to tour our conveniently-located Manhattan campus.
And so tonight we’re seeing the psychologist again. If I’ve learned anything in my years as Dean of Recruitment and Campus Diversity, it’s that showing up with freshly-shaven balls is a must.
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