The Perils of Public Onanism
This building on 5th Avenue, which housed Ethan Hawke’s production office, was gutted by fire early yesterday morning. I used to work directly across the street. At the time, a tenant on the third floor often played gay porn on his big screen television and masturbated, completely nude, in full view of every office on the opposite side of the street. This might have been less scandalous if he’d 1) installed curtains and 2) kept his willie in his pants during normal business hours. As you might imagine, the onanist’s activities made for some, uh, interesting conversations when clients visited our offices.
The moral of the story? When you masturbate in front of an open window, God doesn’t just kill a kitten—he (eventually) burns down your entire goddamned apartment building.
More: Masturbation | Kittens | Death | New York | Humor
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Leslie | Mar 30, 08:52 PM | #
Imagine that by coincidence you were introduced to him (this tenant from the third floor) at a party. Would you recognize him? If you did, would you shake his hand?
malice | Apr 6, 10:05 AM | #
What a pity that we don’t have any block of flats in front of our windows ;)