Shame

Posted by Lex Konrad in Dispatches | Apr 05, 2006

What struck me most about Monday night’s reading was how normal it felt. This is not to say the sex bloggers in attendance were an ordinary bunch. On the contrary, they do things most people are ashamed to dream of. They have the courage to stand in front of an audience and share what most regard as Too Much Information. They risk the hasty judgments of a society that is in love with its own ignorance.

As I listened to their stories and essays, I found myself impressed by the talent and poise of the speakers. And I was surprised—surprised that even the most explicit, debauched tales sounded neither dirty nor scandalous; surprised at how much the audience identified with the people on the podium. This shouldn’t have been a revelation to me but it’s hard not to see it as such when you live in a culture ruled by shame; when you live in a world blinded by fear of the desires, needs and emotions that make us human.

Tony Comstock read a thoughtful essay lamenting the mainstream film industry’s unwillingness to take human sexuality seriously. Cherry Bomb talked about how people involved, however tangentially, in sex work face harsh recriminations at the hands of family, friends and complete strangers. Indeed, a few of the bloggers I spoke with were concerned about being captured on camera, or else running into people they know who might not approve. And just the other day I received a note from a blogger who didn’t even want me to mention his presence at a particular event.

Sadly, we all have very legitimate reasons for wanting to remain anonymous—the culture of shame demands we make the agonizing decision between living in the closet, so to speak, or else outing ourselves. Worse yet, those among us with families or careers on the line are robbed of that choice. I have newfound admiration for people who put themselves out there, nattering nabobs of negativism be damned.

I snapped some nice photos on Monday. Had some interesting conversations. Rode the train back into Manhattan with Chelsea Girl (who’s really starting to grow on me). Learned a lot about some fascinating, well-rounded individuals most of you only know as sex bloggers. I’d like to share so much more, but I cannot.

And that’s a damned shame.

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