Everyone Loves a Threesome
The other night I was out with a friend of mine and the subject of threesomes came up (as it usually does in any conversation involving me). “My boyfriend and I hang out with attractive women but it never goes further than hanging out,” she lamented. In her case I think it’s just the inevitable nadir of the feast-or-famine cycle, but on the way home I puzzled over this common complaint. Why do some couples consistently realize the fantasy of a threesome while for others threesomes remain in the realm of, well, fantasy?
As I walked I thought about my experiences, considered behaviors I’ve observed in others, smiled at a pretty woman (upon which I nearly got run over by a city bus) and came up with the following nuggets of advice:
Fortune favors the bold
A long time ago I said threesomes don’t happen by accident, at least not with any regularity. Group sex may be the number one fantasy for many but it’s about the last thing anyone expects to happen outside a swinger club. The wanna-be hedonist must be bold.
I learn by observing people who are bolder than I. My fiancée, for example. Never in my life have I met anyone who’s so fearless with either sex, yet so cuddly and genuine at the same time. I remember talking to Peggy at the Pink Party, wondering what to do next, when Leslie swooped in. I watched in awe as the following conversation unfolded:
Les: “Do you like girls?”
Peggy: “Yes.”
Les (slipping an arm around Peggy’s waist): “Do you think I’m pretty?“
Peggy: “Yes”
Sloppy kissing sounds.
Leslie, ever the humble one, will probably point out that I’ve had my bold moments too, but my moments of brilliance are as irregular as old people’s bowel movements.
There’s no need for pickup lines or complicated strategies. And don’t weigh yourself down with excuses — there’s always someone younger, prettier, wealthier — in the end the people who get what they want out of life are the people who ask for it.
Stop trying so hard
Constantly being on the prowl is the number one newbie mistake, and it’s probably the biggest mistake threesome-seekers can make. In fact that’s the problem right there: threesome-seekers. As I noted in a previous entry:
I took a Dale Carnegie course once. Mr. Carnegie was fascinated by the human factors that make some people more successful than others, so he did his own research and wrote a book on the subject. He discovered a secret; a key to getting what you want out of relationships. Do you know what the secret is?
Take a genuine interest in people.
People aren’t simply means to various ends; they have their own motivations, their own joys, and their own fears. They want to be appreciated every bit as much as you do, and for the same reasons. Even hot babes feel this way.
Not long ago I had a wonderful conversation with a young woman about her funky retro shirt and our mutual taste in clothing. I made an effort to listen to what she was saying rather than simply staring at the twins (which, trust me, is difficult when you’re 6’5” and looking down into every woman’s blouse). Twenty minutes later I was flicking my tongue over her erect nipples.
Set the agendas aside. Take a genuine interest in something other than the obvious. You’d be amazed how sexy that can be.
Drop the couple front
As a couple, there’s a world of difference between having each other’s implicit support and clinging together like frightened nocturnal mammals. The latter is totally unsexy. And intimidating. No one wants to deal with the drama that ensues when one half of an insecure couple suddenly feels threatened.
It’s much more fulfilling for everyone involved when you keep the rules to a minimum; when, rather than jealously hovering over each other, you work on trust and communication before you head out into the big bad world. As long as I have a general idea of who she’s with and where she is, I’m not concerned in the least if I’m at a party and I don’t see my better half for an hour. Likewise, I’m not sitting at home sweating bullets if Les is out on a date. I trust her not to do anything that would jeopardize our health and security as a couple.
No matter how many parties are involved, sex and seduction are all about one-on-one chemistry. I don’t expect to be pulled into a torrid threesome simply because Les has chemistry with someone else, nor do I expect the reverse to happen. And yet, paradoxically, by connecting with people as individuals (and letting them know we’re open to, um, alternative bedroom hijinks) we wind up in a sexy three-way pile more often than not.
Really, the sex is secondary. Even if you’re in a monogamous pairing you can benefit from relaxing a little, opening your relationship to outside influences and letting each other shine as individuals. As tempting as it is to circle the wagons, try not to relate to everyone and everything as a unit. You’ll spare yourself years of therapy.
Think sexy, be sexy
She’s not even the most attractive woman in the room, yet she just gives off this vibe, like she invented sex. Maybe it’s the way she swings her hips as she saunters through the crowd; maybe it’s that when she speaks with you she makes you feel like you’re the center of her world; maybe it’s something she’s wearing, an outfit that only a confident, sexy chick like her can pull off. Whatever it is, you’re drawn to her. We’ve all met that girl. Or that guy.
Be that girl. Be that guy. Well, don’t literally copy someone else — you’d only end up looking like an idiot. Instead, find something that’s uniquely yours, something that works for you, and let it shine through. Rock that style, that look, that attitude, that little quirk in your personality that you usually hide for fear of not fitting in. To hell with what anyone else thinks, your quirks are what make you sexy, dig?
If I had to define what makes Leslie so mouthwatering to me, I’d say it’s that she acts more like herself, random silliness and all, than any other woman I know. She just lays it all out there, take it or leave it.
Everyone has an inner rock star. If you feel good about yourself you are, by definition, sexy. It’s so simple, and yet so elusive.
[NB: Naked Loft Party accepts no responsibility for damages that may result from following the advice above, including but not limited to: bruised lips, sore nipples, pulled groin muscles, scratched backs, rug burn and just-fucked-hair.]
Comments Off | Top ↑
dick | Apr 12, 02:06 PM | #
This is one of the best written pieces of advice i have read. I also learned the same lessons from Jane, who became utterly fearless in her ability to transend the question of attraction to the same sex. We are typically the “rockstar” couple in the room, partly because of the fact that she is a 6 foot tall beauty with pink hair, but mostly because as a couple, we are very strong, confident and real individuals.
Love the site! wished we could come to NYC more.
Lex | Apr 12, 04:00 PM | #
Heh… being six feet tall definitely doesn’t hurt.
ThreesomeArchive | Apr 13, 07:15 PM | #
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davo | Jan 18, 07:57 PM | #
Wow best advice i have read on this subject. Really.