Chapter One: Fresh Meat (Part One)

Garden

The gates of paradise

I have to dress different. I have to act different. I have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I need a new bedspread and new curtains. I have to get thick carpeting and weird lighting. I have to get new friends. Orgy friends. I’ve become an orgy guy.

-Lex Konrad

Our room has a view that faces inland, overlooking the garden and the crocodile pond and the rickety covered bridge that guards the entrance to what will become our private paradise. From the balcony I can observe the comings-and-goings of the airport shuttles. The room is luxurious enough. The mini-bar is free. Already I have a feeling we won’t be spending much time in here.

Before we consider stripping out of our travel clothes, Leslie and I take a lightning-quick tour of the resort’s manicured grounds. Signs implore us to keep off the grass. There are naked people everywhere, of all shapes and sizes, their furtive glances hungrier than I’d expected. Suddenly I feel self-conscious in my jeans and long-sleeved shirt. We’re fresh meat.

I change into garish swim trunks. Leslie changes into a little patterned dress, forgoing panties. When we crash into the calm, azure waters of the Caribbean we’re both overcome with laughter. “This is silly,” I say, and I return to the shore to remove my shorts, feeling pleasantly aware of the wind caressing my nether regions. Leslie follows suit, and back in the water I hold her to me, grasping her round bottom and entering her. Here in the ocean the friction isn’t quite right.

We stop by the pool bar for margaritas and meet a very naked couple from Bermuda, the man tall and black and lean, the woman shorter and white and pornish in appearance. They’ve been here ten days. On a lark I ask them whether they know the Bermudan couple we met at our first orgy three years ago. Of course they do. “Bermuda is small and boring,” laments the girl.

The jacuzzi is conveniently situated upon the rooftop of our building. As afternoon fades to early evening in the leisurely way that only seems possible in the tropics, Les and I ascend the stairs, steeling ourselves for whatever madness may await us up there. When we reach the top, a little breathless, we gawk at the sight of the naked vacationers lounging around the large U-shaped tub, we smile at the sight of the swim-up bar, we gasp at the sight of magnificent four-poster beds, their gauzy white canopies blowing in the breeze. Beyond the glass panes that shield the jacuzzi from the wind, the ocean stretches out below us, perfectly still to the horizon. “Pretty classy, huh?” I remark to Les as we stand by the tub stripping naked.

“And to think I hesitated,” she responds.

Going to a swingers resort when you haven’t come in three days is like going to the supermarket on an empty stomach. I feel hypersexual, and only one thought comes to mind as I lower myself, naked, into the jacuzzi, feeling as if everyone’s eyes must be upon me: Don’tgetabonerdon’tgetabonerdon’tgetaboner. It’s an incantation I will find myself repeating many times over the days and nights that follow. I wince as the hot water rises up to lap against my balls. It appears I won’t have to worry about making babies any time soon.

The scene in the jacuzzi is tamer, perhaps, than I’d expected. A lithe young woman sits perched upon the ledge, her legs spread wide, as her man teases her, yet for the most part people are laughing and talking, drinks in hand. In another corner, closer to the swim-up bar, the silver-haired crowd lounges about discussing grandchildren or retirement or whatever it is old folks talk about. They carry on, blissfully unaware of their nudity, and in a way I envy them. “Look at that,” I say, nudging Les. “The early-bird specials over there. Maybe we’ll be like them one day.” My fiancée just smiles.

We meet a couple of forty-somethings from New York, Frank and Lana, married veteran swingers who’ve been here before. “So whaddya think of the place?” asks the lightly bearded Frank in his New Yorkah drawl.

“Well, Frank, I think I’ve already seen enough penises to last me a lifetime.”

We all laugh. Lana’s shapely tits jiggle. As the sun recedes into the great Yucatan frontier we trade swinger war stories. Life is good.

I spy a girl standing on the ocean side of the jacuzzi, her curvaceous form silhouetted against the sky, her body every bit as soft as the cumulonimbus formations in the distance. She’s the kind of pretty, corn-fed creature that can only hail from America’s heartland. She makes eye contact, then smiles and looks away. It may be the booze or the hot water, but I feel a swelling in my breast, a kind of giddiness I haven’t felt since summer camp. There’s something magical about this place.

The girl and her husband swim over to our side of the jacuzzi and strike up a conversation. I learn they’re from Arizona, they’re in their twenties and they’ve been married since eighteen. The boyish looking hubby is named Ryan. The girl’s name is Lafonda. “Are you black?” I ask, staring into the pretty girl’s hazel eyes.

She smiles. “No.”

“Because you have a black girl’s name.”

“Haha. I have a little Cherokee in me.”

Ryan explains that he and Lafonda had their first swinging experience this week at another resort. “We came over here from Blue Bay yesterday but last night was kind of dull.”

They won’t suffer from boredom tonight. Lana returns from the bar with vials of tequila in hand. “Okay guys,” she says. “We’re doing body shots!”

I turn to Frank. “I see why you married this woman. She’s quite the instigator.”

We’ve been here less than three hours and already I’m slobbering tequila off three sets of nipples. As the girls take a turn on my nipples Lana’s breast quite innocently brushes against the head of my cock. The underwater lights have come on. Everything’s clearly visible. I look down. “Where did that come from?”

Lana grabs my penis. “It looks like someone’s happy,” she announces.

“I’ll take care of that,” says Leslie, diving underwater and wrapping her pillowy lips around me. I decide it’s only fair to return the favor, and so I take a deep breath and dive between my girlfriend’s legs. When I come up for air, spitting chlorinated water like a fountain, I notice little corn-fed Lafonda sitting next to us, her legs parted slightly. On automagic pilot now, I let my hands wander the length of her body, from her pert nipples down her soft belly to the landing strip of pubic hair between her creamy thighs. Ryan fingers his wife. I penetrate my fiancée, my toes scraping against the jacuzzi’s tiled bottom in a desperate bid for traction. Everything around us is a blur. People might be watching. I don’t know where Lana and Frank are.

“Your wife is a hot piece of ass,” I hear myself saying to Ryan. Anywhere else this might be considered an off-color remark, but not here in paradise.

“So’s yours,” he responds, and we switch partners. Lafonda’s moaning softly now as I grasp her firm buttocks and delicately probe her with my fingers. She’s slick, even under the hot water. I hold my breath again and treat her to my tongue. The whole time I’m thinking: I love newbies. When I finally emerge from the water Leslie looks at me and smiles, evidently satisfied with the attention she’s getting from Ryan.

And he says, “Shall we go to the beds over there?”

I rise from the tub, shivering, standing erect and, well, erect in the Mexican night, thinking how strange it is that just hours ago I never would have considered doing this, being this. We lay out fresh towels and stretch out on the mattress. Leslie takes me into her mouth. Lafonda bends over, bobbing up and down in her husband’s lap. I tease Lafonda from behind, having completely forgotten myself and where I am. Moments later Ryan’s in the bathroom cleaning up—his wife’s loving attentions evidently having done the trick—and I’m on my knees before Leslie with my arm wrapped around Lafonda’s waist. I recall the last time the breeze felt this good against my balls—in Tulum, not far from here but many years ago. The pretty brunette lies on her side to watch. I offer myself to her and when she parts her lips everything is so soft… so perfectly soft.

I can feel it in my spine, my buttocks, my chest. My cock is electric. This heavenly creature is going to make me come. The machinery of the universe grinds to a halt; I sense the rip in spacetime I first experienced during the recent summer of my discontent. Is this really happening? I’m thinking, and then I’m pondering the cosmological constant and before long it dawns on me that I’m spurting in Lafonda’s mouth. I uncouple from her and finish on the girls’ faces, my orgasmic contractions pulsing in great waves. “You got it in my eye!” Les cries out, laughing.

I haven’t come in three days.

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Met Art

Prologue: A Little Hydrogen Peroxide Fixes Everything

I’m going where the sun keeps shining
Through the pouring rain
Going where the weather suits my clothes
Banking off of the Northeast winds
Sailing on a summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone

-Harry Nilsson, “Everybody’s Talkin’”

“Are you excited about our trip?” my girl asks.

I pause over my unfolded underwear to ponder the question. I haven’t felt even remotely sexy in weeks. I’ve begun to feel alienated from my body—doubly so from other people’s bodies—and, ironically enough, I, Lex Konrad, have little desire to be naked. “I guess so,” I tell her. “Mexico is always relaxing.”

We’ve skipped tonight’s swinger party (well, it wasn’t officially a swinger party, the young and hip in New York being too self-conscious and calculating to simply describe things as they are) in favor of relaxing before the flight. I’ve decided I lack the patience for downtown Manhattan’s agonistic spectacle: sometimes it feels as if no one gets naked here except to advance an agenda. I’ve long ago burnt out on my own sexual ambition.

***

LaGuardia at 5am. I’m running on no sleep. “My glasses are dirty,” I tell Les, holding the frame and shaking my head.

Overhearing this, a cleaning lady calls us over and sprays my glasses with a mysterious cleaning solution. “A little hydrogen peroxide fixes everyting,” she announces in Jamaican-inflected English. Before we can tear ourselves away the woman launches into a monologue about all the ailments she’s cured with peroxide: sore throats, cuts, broken limbs, gaping chest wounds and so on. Then, nodding at Leslie and leaning in real close, she whispers, “Joo can douche with it.”

Good to know. “Why do people always feel like they can tell us anything?” I ask Leslie later on.

“Probably because we’re the only ones who bother to listen.”

***

The TSA employee at the gate reaches into Leslie’s bag and pulls out a half-empty bottle of KY Silk.

“I told you to check that,” I say.

“But I thought you said we can carry personal lubricant,” Les responds.

“For legitimate medical reasons,” interjects the TSA chick.

“Maybe I have, like, a medical need to get myself off.”

The TSA chick is stifling a laugh now, struggling to maintain that veneer of hardassness that’s so essential to national security. “Were you really planning on using this on the plane, ma’am?”

“I guess not. It’s yours now.”

As we’re waved on toward the jetway I look back at the TSA chick and grin. “Have fun with that.”

***

At 30,000 feet I pop the question again: “Are you gonna get naked?”

Those cute little furrows appear between my fiancée’s brows. “I don’t think so; I just don’t feel sexy right now. Don’t pressure me, okay?”

“Hey, I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m not exactly sold on the idea myself. Besides, there’ll be nothing but couples at the resort. We’ll just relax for a few days and then get a car and wander around the Yucatan. Just like last time.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

Les and I travel like we party, going wherever the prevailing winds take us. Planning is for boardroom meetings and military expeditions.

***

Cancun. Early afternoon. The forecast called for rain but it seems brighter here than it’s ever been anywhere. The airport is packed with throngs of pudgy American families. “I feel like we’re back in Myrtle Beach,” I tell Les. My single-minded purpose is to hoist an alcoholic beverage to my lips as soon as humanly possible.

We outflank an army of salespeople trying to sell timeshares and whatnot, and then, wilting in the heat, we make our way to a van. As we ride south I relax a bit, comforted by the familiar sight of tattered palm trees and dusty little cafes by the side of the road. “Where y’all headed?” asks the friendly older lady sitting next to me.

“Uh, Desire.”

“Oh, that’s a provocative name. What kind of resort is it?”

I can’t see Leslie in the seat behind me but I know she’s grinning at my predicament. “Yeah Lex. Tell her.”

“A-actually I don’t know too much about it yet,” I stammer, “but I know it’s couples only. Hey Les, why don’t you tell everyone about what happened to your personal lubricant?”

Now I’m the one grinning evilly.

***

As soon as we sit down at the reception desk someone brings us a couple glasses of champagne. Already I feel the stress of the flight—of Nueva York—melting away. In the courtyard, through the sliding glass doors, I spy a few surprisingly attractive couples. Every time the doors open a fresh ocean breeze blows through the lobby, carrying with it the heady promise of fun and sun.

Leslie’s speaking Spanish to the girl behind the desk. This turns me on a little. Les then translates, telling me it’s pimp & ho night at the disco, that we can drink and eat all we want, that the hot tub is open late, and so on. The good news just keeps on coming. By the time she’s done translating we’re beaming at each other.

“Baby,” I tell her, “I think I might like this place.”

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Naked Loft Party: The Mexico Diaries

Desire

Desire at Sunrise, 2006

You might recall that back in April we won a raffle at a porno party hosted by Ron Jeremy. The prize was a trip to a clothing-optional resort in Cancun.

We just returned from Mexico yesterday. What was supposed to have been a relaxing three day side-trip turned into a sun- and sex-soaked eight day odyssey.

I took over thirty pages of notes.

It’s hard to believe that just yesterday morning Les and I were strolling around naked working on our all-over tans. Seems like a hazy wet dream now.

And though we may have left this dream behind, something stayed with us—a new attitude, a fresh outlook on life. Things will never be the same, as the saying goes.

So join us over the next few weeks for a very special edition of Naked Loft Party titled, appropriately enough, The Mexico Diaries. Whether you read NLP for the hardcore sex or the incessant navel-gazing you’ll find much to keep you amused.

I’ve included an outline of the entry titles for the impatient among you:

Prologue: A Little Hydrogen Peroxide Fixes Everything

Chapter One: Fresh Meat

Chapter Two: Fucking Machines

Chapter Three: My English Rose

Chapter Four: East of Eden (or, God’s Waiting Room)

Chapter Five: Slut Club

Chapter Six: Let’s All Come

Chapter Seven: A Good Old-Fashioned Cock-Size Contest

Chapter Eight: The Last of the Mohicans

Epilogue: Everyone Wants to Be Naked (and Famous)

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Abby Winters

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