Suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me
Calling me all the time like Blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It’s fine all of the time
What else is in the teaches of Peaches?
Like sex on the beaches. Huh? What?

-Peaches, “Fuck the Pain Away”

If I’ve learned anything during my stay at the resort it’s that wet, naked woman doesn’t join you for brunch unless she’s angling for something more than polite conversation.

Les and I were taking an early afternoon swim and Tammy asked me: “Are we allowed to have sex in the pool?”

“I don’t think so,” I responded. Leslie licked her cunt anyway, my little brown babe floating and lapping away while Tammy propped herself against the pool’s edge. And everything was so bright. And no one cared.

Tammy saunters up to us now, naked, beads of pool water rolling down the valley between her breasts, and the insouciant Cali blonde flops into an empty chair. Studying her curvaceous form, I feel the pangs of another kind of hunger.

After a few minutes there’s an awkward pause in the conversation. Here it comes: “Do you want to meet us in our room?” I smile but I don’t say anything. It’s not often that a man is propositioned for sex. I want to savor the moment. It also occurs to me that my fiancée might want to have a say in this.

Leslie giggles. “Sure, why not?”

The women both turn to me. “Like I’m gonna say no!” I intone, trying to contain my excitement a little. “But I would like to shower first.”

Tammy gives us her room number. We are expected in half an hour. When she struts away Les and I both watch her shapely posterior jiggle in the sunlight, then look at each other with raised eyebrows. “What is it about afternoon sex that seems so… indulgent?” I ask, not really expecting an answer.

We’re freshly showered and snappily attired in our birthday suits. The room key is in its proper place around my neck. I’m holding a recent invention I call the Sex Box, which is simply an empty pack of Benson & Hedges stuffed with condoms and packets of lube. There’s only one problem: neither of us remembers the couple’s room number. “Wasn’t it like thirteen-something-or-other?” I’m saying. “Let’s just knock on the door and fuck whoever answers.”

Leslie cackles. “Can you imagine that? But I seriously don’t remember the number. What are we going to do?”

“The girl in reception likes you. Give her a call and see if she can help.” My woman picks up the phone and after a couple minutes of Spanish chatter she has the right sequence of digits. It strikes me that ours is probably not an uncommon request at the front desk.

As Leslie and I stroll arm-in-arm to the other end of the resort, a terrifying feeling overtakes me: I am most definitely going to get a boner. I’ve been so good up to now—so in control—but as we approach our rendezvous Mr. Penis readies himself for the occasion. Leslie, of course, grabs at me, which does nothing at all to relieve the pressure building between my legs. And then… I realize I just don’t give a damn any more: I’m a man on a mission, cocked and loaded. In a world that’s so deathly afraid of hard-ons—yet, paradoxically, so in love with male power—how often does a man get to walk around in public with an erection, proud and yet humbled, powerful and yet vulnerable?

“Oh my!” says Tammy, casting her eyes downward upon greeting us at the door.

“We’re just here to fix your plumbing, ma’am. I think I brought the right tool for the job but you should have a closer look.” I grin, expecting some cheesy porno soundtrack to begin any minute now.

Bright and inviting, the couple’s love nest is a little smaller than ours. I set my stuff down on the counter and send Leslie in James’ direction with a pat on her marvelous rump. The four of us fall upon the bed, grinning at each other stupidly. Then, as if by a director’s cue, everyone reaches for tits and asses and cocks and cunts. “I turned up all the lights just for you,” explains Tammy, having thoughtfully made note of what I told her last night. In a show of appreciation, I sweep her blond locks to the side, grasping the back of her neck and pulling her lips to mine. My tongue travels downward, making extended stops at her nipples and curiously shallow belly button before finally coming to rest between her thighs. I drop to the floor to improve my angle of attack, the concrete hard and cold against my knees. I decide I kind of enjoy the pain, that it keeps me focused on my task. The room reverberates with a symphony of girl noises. After some delirious minutes have gone by I hear Leslie in the final throes of her ecstasy. My partner squirms beneath me but she’s not there yet.

Leslie rises from the bed and kneels behind me, flicking her tongue across my anus. “Is she licking your ass?” cries Tammy. “That’s so hot!” This is the hook that triggers her orgasm. Soon she’s shouting, outrageously, “Oh Lex! Oh. Lex!” Off in the distance, James quips that his wife can make any man feel like a champion in bed.

I feel a certain indescribable thrill when a woman seals her lips around me for the first time. Perhaps it’s just the way her face looks, her jaw slack and her cheeks hollow from the suction. Or else it’s my delight at her doing this very private thing for me, her tongue twisting around me in a selfless act of pleasure. I pull back and make Tammy open her mouth, gently tapping the head of my cock against her lips. She laughs. I lie flat across the bed and she straddles my face, her heavy breasts spilling over my midsection as she lowers her mouth to my helplessly twitching erection. Two lovely asses, hers and Leslie’s, white and brown, fill my field of vision.

Tammy comes again.

“You need to know a couple things about me before we get down to business,” says my blonde sex kitten as she curls up next to me.

“Do you have any extra body parts I need to be aware of?”

“Nothing like that. I just need you to go slow. And shallow. I can’t take you all the way at first but I’ll warm up.”

And so two very different scenes play out upon the same bed. James positions himself atop Leslie, thrusting as she holds her legs open and bites her lower lip. I plant one foot on the floor, push Tammy’s legs back toward her chest and carefully ease into her. “That okay?” I ask, and she nods. I pull out and go down on her, then push into her again, and while this is going on she’s trying to guess my ethnicity. We’re talking so much that Leslie and James begin to make fun of us. I suppose all the idle chatter is distracting, but then again group sex is not an activity I’d recommend to anyone suffering from attention deficit disorder.

To wit, James smiles and waves in the direction of the windows, which have been, I only now realize, wide-fucking-open the entire time. I peer over my left shoulder to see David hovering in front of the door with a giant shit-eating grin planted on his boyish mug. We all wave him in, but he holds up his index finger and scampers off somewhere with vaudevillian flair. Moments later David returns to the door with Karen in tow, but I see my English Rose whisper something in her man’s ear and they quickly move on.

“What was that about?” asks Tammy.

I cock my head and pull the corners of my mouth downward in an exaggerated frown—really, I know all too well what that was about but it hardly seems important at this moment. “We could have made room for them; you don’t seem to have anything in your mouth right now.” Tammy’s laughter sends contractions through her pussy. I like how this feels and try to make her laugh some more.

No sooner do I go back to ignoring the world beyond the windows than I hear the crisp rapping of knuckles upon the door. I look up to see the Mexican dude who stocks the mini-bar standing outside with a blank look on his face. The guy walks away after spending a good minute taking in the view and ignoring our attempts to communicate. I laugh. “This is getting ridiculous! Is your fridge empty?”

“We are out of beer,” goateed James informs me mid-stroke, wiping sweat from his brow.

“Okay I’m going to drag his ass back here. Well, uh, not literally.” I uncouple from an incredulous Tammy and run out to the balcony, waving the mini-bar guy in. I must look like a madman. To my surprise, he returns to the room and begins dutifully restocking the fridge. I hop on top of Tammy again and impale her, neither of us put off by the absurdity of the situation. When the mini-bar guy gets up to leave he tells us to have fun and the room echoes with the sounds of our laughter. I’ve stopped pinching myself; I’ve stopped asking myself whether any of this is really happening. If a 30-piece marching band were to come crashing through the door I’d probably just shrug and get back to business.

I’m behind Tammy now with my feet planted upon the floor and I’m ramming her the way I want, slow and shallow be damned. The birthday girl bucks against me and gasps. I look down to marvel at the sight of her cunt grabbing at me over and over again. Across from us hangs a small mirror. I look into Tammy’s reflected eyes and watch her reflected breasts sway to and fro. She watches me take a swig from a large water bottle. “You can do that and fuck at the same time?” she says, breathless.

“Baby, if you balanced an ashtray and a plate on your back I could probably smoke and eat a sandwich too.”

“That’s so hot!” It takes me a moment to realize she’s totally serious.

James, standing diagonally across from me, pulls out of Leslie, yanking the condom off with a sharp snap and stroking himself over her back (“You better not hit me,” I warn him). When he comes I’m genuinely impressed by his prolific splatter. A true gentleman, he wipes Leslie’s back with a washcloth before disappearing into the bathroom. My fiancée then joins the action still in progress, smacking Tammy’s buttocks before spreading the rosy cheeks apart. Leslie then disappears somewhere beneath me. The heat of her breath against my balls and the tickle of her hair against my thighs send shivers up and down my legs. When she comes up for air I lean back a bit, making space between Tammy’s ass and my hips. “Lick her asshole,” I growl. Les complies, slathering my date’s puckered button in saliva. Suddenly inspired, she wets her index finger and pistons it deep into Tammy’s ass (what a joy it is to be engaged to such a naughty girl!). Doubly impaled by us, our date cries out in what could easily be pleasure or anguish or a bit of both. Her head drops to the mattress as she slips a hand between her legs and furiously massages her cunt.

We’re taunting her now, mocking her pleasure, daring her to give up and come for us. When the poor girl can’t hold out any longer I let myself go too. My orgasm comes on like vivid fragments of a half-remembered dream, rising up from the base of my spine and taking my shuddering body for a ride. “This little bitch is gonna get me off,” I hiss, almost surprised at my dirty talk.

“Oh yeah baby,” Tammy cries, her voice rising an octave. “Let’s all come!”