The System of the World
I am drunk now. Please excuse me.
Kurt Vonnegut is dead. I quoted him a couple of times. I suck compared to him. I am a dilettante — an artiste of the slightly funny deal. IAMANIDIOT. I think the difference is that he didn’t really give a shit what you people think of him.
I just fucked a married woman and I am sitting here smelling my fingers. The fingers of my left hand smell like Leslie’s pussy. The fingers of my right hand smell like the married girl’s pussy. Why does pussy juice smell so fucking good after it has dried up on your skin? I don’t want to shower.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” the married girl said.
I know the feeling…
She lives in the suburbs and drives an expensive car. I find this amusing. My life is weird. I used to be self-righteous and smug about not fucking married girls. Now I’ve joined the rest of you hairless apes.
I’m listening to the same Red Hot Chili Peppers song over and over again. My obsession with the song has something to do with what happened this past weekend. The song goes like this:
I like pleasure spiked with pain
And music is my aeroplane
It’s my aeroplane
Songbird sweet and sour jane
And music is my aeroplane
It’s my aeroplane
Pleasure spiked with pain…
That motherfucker’s always spiked with pain
My arm was sore. And the next night someone dropped a heavy chair on my foot. I walked with a limp. Also, I felt fucked up inside.
But I think everything’s okay. I feel like I’m coming along as a human being.
And you know what’s fucking bullshit? I quoted Steely Dan in one of my journal entries and when they (they meaning the Man) published my scribblings in a book of short stories they had to remove the lyrics. Turns out they couldn’t use the lyrics without paying an unreasonable sum of money. What happened to fair use? I hope the bean counters hang when the revolution comes. Fuck em all.
Less than 24 hours ago I was fucking another girl. I think she’s my mistress or my bitch or something. She wants me to call her my bitch. “My body is yours,” she said to me last night. I really love women. Maybe I love them too much but I cannot help it. I took a nice picture of my mistress (my bitch?) in the morning but sadly you’ll probably never see it.
I’m still scratching my head — winter sucked and then spring came and I’ve been getting laid left and right, but Les and I have also taken another step in our relationship. We’re seeing people separately. I really enjoy fucking, but I also want to love everyone. And I want everyone to love me. Why now, when I’m getting married in a month? It’s a Hegelian thing. This is synthesis.
Fucking Vonnegut is dead — shuffled off his mortal coil or whatever shit. And my oblivious cock (what is a cock if it’s not oblivious?) was inside a married woman tonight. Can you believe that shit? I can’t even summon a single tear for my main man, yet take me to hear Bruckner’s 7th at the Philharmonic and I’ll weep like an infant. How pathetic is that?
Anyway. The phrase echoes in my head: The system of the world. That’s all it is. None of us ask for this. But we deal with it. And then we die. Blah blah blah.
Bummer.
Maybe I shouldn’t give a shit anymore.
More: Literature | Threesome | Drinking | Philosophy
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Suzanne Portnoy | Apr 12, 08:01 AM | #
I just read about Vonnegut, then clicked on your blog. I was never a big fan but reading his biog, I couldn’t help but think that the man lived a full life. Very few of us manage to achieve even a fraction of what he managed to achieve in his 85 years. Whatever I say about him will sound trite so better leave it there!
Les | Apr 12, 08:23 AM | #
It was sad news. He was one of the greats.
BW | Apr 12, 03:14 PM | #
Tell us more about the married girl!
Les | Apr 13, 06:41 AM | #
She was adorable, sexy, and ready for anything :)
dante | Apr 13, 08:36 AM | #
Is that a note of sadness in there? “we’re now seeing people seperately?” After stumbling across your site by accident(honest ;-) I’ve come to think about the whole swinging thing, and I can just about get my head around the idea of sharing a partner with someone else – but isn’t there a whole lot of strings attached? That you know they’re doing it safely, who they’re doing it with,and that they’re enjoying it because YOU’RE there, experiecing it WITH them?
Lex | Apr 13, 03:59 PM | #
dante, if you’re just joining us now you’ve stumbled upon the Advanced Material™. This is the end result of a lot of exploration — and many conversations about who we are and what we want. With the proper foundation of trust, communication and honesty, anything is possible. You don’t get there overnight: what we’re doing now would have been frightening to me a few years ago. And we still have to regroup on occasion.