The Seduction of Orpheus (Part One)

It was the second day of spring. Leslie and I had just ordered our wedding rings. Nothing felt real.

Peaches was waiting for me on St. Marks, pacing to and fro in torn jeans and a corset-like black blouse while chatting on her cell phone. She apologized for her appearance but I was entranced by the pale skin visible underneath the rips in her jeans.

“They’re cute,” I told her, brushing the denim with my fingertips. “I used to wear jeans like these back at the turn of the millennium — y’know, when they were in fashion.”

“Oh, you’re mean,” she said, laughing.

“Naw, I’m a puppy dog.”

I tried to be a good boy but restraint is not in my nature. At the bar she sat close to me, her thighs touching mine. After discussing the relative merits of The White Album and Abbey Road, Peaches and I kissed. She rose from her seat and spun around in my arms. We ordered another round.

“I don’t trust people who don’t drink,” she announced.

“Neither do I.”

Time passed the way it always does when two people are engrossed in conversation. The lights came up and we sat upon our stools blinking at each other. Peaches broke the silence: “You can come home with me — but I have to pack for my trip.”

We descended the stairs to one of those off-brand subway lines that serves the labyrinthine streets of the outer boroughs. “I like the view from up here,” I told Peaches as the train trundled across the Williamsburg Bridge. Hunching over to get a better look out the window, I thought about how in some ways Manhattan living has become a liability.

An enthusiastic sword-swallower, Peaches gagged on me as I stood at her bedside. She said she liked it this way. I was impressed. When I returned the favor I noticed the carpet matched the drapes, her hair kissed with the slightest hint of red.

I was behind her, peering at her round ass when the alarm on her cell phone went off. “Shit, I haven’t even packed yet,” she hissed.

“I better finish up then.” The alarm wouldn’t stop and we were in no position to do anything about it, so the polyphonic ditty became the soundtrack to our coupling. I wanted to laugh but I came instead.

I was kind enough to carry her heavy bag to the waiting car. She was kind enough to drop me off at the L stop. As I took my place among the weary early morning commuters, I wondered whether I smelled of sex and booze.

The song rose from the ashes of my unconscious while I was changing trains, a sustained, foreboding bass note that was joined, gradually, by vocal samples and the electronic whine of the synthesizers. I’d learned to heed these messages. The coming weekend would be terrifying… and brilliant.

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Met Art

Leave home without it

NLP on the go

NLP on the go

In a fit of drunken stupidity, I hit the Apple Store at about 4am last Saturday. The results were entirely predictable. A word to the wise: if you’re going to carouse in a town where one can purchase expensive electronics after midnight, leave your credit card at home.

UPDATE: Everyone’s been asking me for my verdict. I’ve had the iPhone for almost a week now and I’m quite pleased with it. The device feels sturdy in my hand and slides into my pocket in such a way that I can grind against a chick from behind without inadvertently poking her in the ass. Call quality is merely average but I haven’t had any problems using the speakers or the headset in noisy environments. The microphone attached to the headphones works well and the inline pause button is a sweet touch. The bright, high-resolution display is gorgeous; it looks more like a plasma screen than an LCD.

The real killer app for me is the browser — when I’m out on the town I can quickly pull up Naked Loft Party — and I’ve found AT&T’s EDGE network acceptably fast here in NYC (I’ve been averaging around 170 kbps). Email, text messaging and Google Maps are also a joy to use. I was pleasantly surprised by the keyboard’s auto-correction feature; I’m already typing as fast as I did on my old Crackberry. The calendar is so slick that I haven’t bothered synching with Outlook — I’d rather just enter appointments on the iPhone as needed. The camera doesn’t offer much in the way of options, but it does take decent pictures and the photo browser is superb. From what I’ve seen thus far, the battery will love you long time. Heavy web surfing over wi-fi will eventually send you running for your charger, but listening to music non-stop barely dents the meter.

The iPhone isn’t without its faults. For instance, I can’t figure out why Apple launched this sexy device without multimedia messaging, IM, Flash, or even a fucking to-do list (something a competent developer could code in about an hour). Equally puzzling is Apple’s decision to close the iPhone to third-party developers (although hacks are emerging by the minute). Plus, if you have any self-awareness whatsoever you will likely feel like a hipster douchebag for owning one. But when you actually start using the iPhone none of these flaws seem to matter so much anymore. Certain other road warrior devices may be crammed with more features but they’re also bulky and difficult to navigate. The iPhone just feels right, like a 21st century phone ought to feel. It is easily the most compelling handheld device I’ve ever used.

And the chicks? They dig it.

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Abby Winters

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