There is no such thing as rejection

Posted by Lex Konrad in Advice | Jul 09, 2008

I reject your reality and substitute my own

-Adam Savage, Mythbusters

The Bad Man wrote a post on seeking rejection as a means to finding success with women, and though I trust his judgement enough to leave him with the new girl I’m not 100% sure about while Les and I step out for a smoke — which is to say, quite a bit — I have to decline membership in his rejection club.

Because there really is no such thing as rejection. The concept of sex as a competition to be won or lost was foisted upon us, in biblical times, by the evil corporation that owns Just For Men, aided and abetted by the beer, nightclub and automobile industries, and, in more recent times, by irritatingly nasal guys posing as pickup artists.

Rejection is for loan applications. In seduction you can only lead the way. It does not reflect poorly upon you as a man or a human being if a woman cannot or will not walk the path with you. Seduction is a mutually pleasurable and often unpredictable set of escalations. The question isn’t where is this going next but am I having fun right now?

What does rejection even mean?

I fled a woman’s apartment once. She probably thought she’d offended me but in reality her place was tiny and I, um, really had to go to the bathroom (yes, it was a George Costanza moment).

I was blown off multiple times by an extraordinarily contrarian woman who, it turns out, had no problem with me inviting Leslie out on our second date. The three of us were lovers for six months.

A woman fooled around with me once only to flip out on me two days later, calling me a “half-breed.” In this case she did me a favor (as Mistress Matisse helpfully reminds us: never stick your dick in crazy).

And then there was Harker, the girl who chose another man over me only to confess, two years later, that I was the most interesting man she’d met.

When I was doing my bit with the Pope shirt probably half a dozen women scurried away from me in what might have been genuine terror. Did I feel rejected? No. For all they knew I could have been a maniac. Nor did I reject them. I’m sure they were nice girls. I was looking for someone who wanted to play a game with me. And when I found her I picked her up.

What is rejection? I don’t know.

It strikes me that if you go out looking for rejection from women you’re most certainly going to find rejection. If, on the other hand, you go out looking for fun you’re most certainly going to find fun. And having fun with people leads to all kinds of wonderful things. Whenever I feel like I’ve lost my mojo — when I become too serious and start to see rejection as something real — I take it as a sign I need to learn how to have fun again.

I am all for clubs, however. I was a founding member of Slut Club and I am the designated emergency penis for the Bisexual Girls Club. Maybe it’s time for a Meet as Many Interesting People as Possible and Just Have Fun With It club. Who’s in?

UPDATE: Calico and Bad Man have each weighed in. (Thanks to Viviane for the heads up.)

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