Not exactly what I wanted for my birthday

Posted by Lex Konrad in Dispatches | Oct 26, 2008

Our sexy neighbor couldn’t make it to the party, which was a shame because I really wanted to twist her into a pretzel, and so I found myself going home on the train unreasonably drunk and foolishly loose-lipped.

Nearby a young Latin dude shifted in his seat. “What are you guys talkin’ about?” He wore a Mets cap. At least he wasn’t a Yankees fan.

“We’re talking about a girl we’re trying to have a threesome with,” responded my wife before I could lie.

“Oh lord,” I muttered.

Facing me now, he said: “Your girl is cool man. I… I could go home with you. Serious man, we could all have a good time.”

I smiled weakly. It’s not like I’d never put Leslie on the spit roast before, but this was a little sketchy even for me. If only hotchix were this forward. “Ah, yeah,” I replied, dragging out the vowels in an imitation of the boss from Office Space, “I think we’re all set here.”

He looked sad, not realizing I’d done him a favor. The men who talk a big game usually can’t get it up.

More: Drinking | Seduction | New York

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