Make some heads explode
A sexy reader by the name of Kate inserted the following into my inbox:
I’ve been an avid reader of your blog for several years now. At long last I’m dating a lovely gentleman who shares my proclivity for swinging. What we are now discovering is the minor issue of how one goes about pursuing a swinging “lifestyle.”
We have been very fortunate in that a mutual female friend has resulted in several threesomes. Sadly she lives in Florida and is not available on a regular basis. So I thought I’d consult an expert on how we could meet someone/several someone’s who would be interested in our desires.
We attended Le Trapeze about a month ago and were very turned off by the whole experience. The clientèle left quite a bit to be desired in that A) They did not ask to participate, B) They were relatively unattractive and older as a whole and C) No actions were taken towards sexual safety.
We are in our mid-20’s and are a rather attractive couple. I’ve read about your exploits in bars, but must confess it sounds easier said than done. I’m very attracted to men and women, and would love to seduce a girl to bring back with both of us, but don’t quite know how one broaches the subject. “Hi, I think you’re cute and was wondering if you wanted to fuck me and my boyfriend” just seems a bit forward. So I guess I’m wondering where you go and how you create the circumstances you want. Also, how on earth do you get invites to the amazing parties you attend?
Thanks for getting in touch Kate. It’s always nice to find out someone has been reading NLP for a long time.
Le Trapeze sucks, as you discovered, but there’s really nothing magical about the parties we attend — it’s possible to have a shitty time anywhere. You have to make the magic happen. Talk to everyone, including people you aren’t interested in shagging. Ask them what events they’ve been to recently. Befriend kinky people, be they swingers or sadists. Get out of your comfort zone. Ask someone to show you the ropes (perhaps literally). Don’t overthink it. As an arbitrary starting point, try Chemistry on November 15th. The people who attend Chemistry represent a cross-section of New York’s sexual subcultures. Let your curiosity guide you from there.
I cannot overstate the importance of having an open mind, of enjoying the journey itself. You’ll learn a lot about yourself just by seeing what’s out there.
By all means be bold. Be forward. That will get you everywhere. On the night before our first swinger party Les and I spied a cute couple at our local bar. Leslie approached the female half, and after a few minutes of mild flirtation Les said: “My boyfriend shaved his balls for the first time tonight and he’d like to get your opinion on whether he did a good job.” After the shock subsided, the girl shrugged and stuck her hand down my pants. The newbies ended up coming back to our apartment an hour later.
So yeah, don’t be afraid to venture forth and make some heads explode. Directness is refreshing. (In that vein, I am disappointed that you failed to enclose a picture of your tits.) With enough practice you’ll find that perfect mixture of saucy and sly that renders you irresistible to either sex.
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